Supply: Jayne Mattson
(co-authored with Jayne Mattson)
Whether or not we’re networking for a brand new job, becoming a member of a brand new group, or assembly our new neighbors, all of us wish to make an awesome first impression. However typically we might be our personal worst enemy and sabotage first impressions by speaking an excessive amount of or too little about ourselves.
Certainly one of us (Jayne Mattson, a profession advisor and Founding father of CareerEngage) has developed a simple-but-effective technique to make sure we make optimistic first impressions with these with meet.
She means that the following time you introduce your self (or get launched) to somebody new, keep in mind 4 phrases:
YOU…YOU…ME…YOU
After the preliminary handshake and identify trade, get different individuals speaking about themselves (YOU…YOU) by asking questions, exhibiting curiosity, and following up with extra inquiries to study extra about their background and pursuits. Then discover a possibility to share one thing about your self (…ME) after which attempt to finish the dialog with a renewed concentrate on them (…YOU).
In different phrases, one of the best technique for making an awesome first impression is NOT by attempting to impress different individuals with your personal qualities and success, however by making certain they stroll away from the dialog 1) feeling heard, valued and energized and a couple of) studying one thing optimistic and memorable about you.
Speaking Too A lot
In her years of teaching, Jayne has discovered that some individuals have a tendency to speak an excessive amount of about themselves. Some do it out of nervousness or concern of awkward pauses in conversations (and what these pauses suggest). For others it’s just because they achieve vitality by speaking and may’t assist themselves. For a couple of it’s an unhealthy ego and a perception they’re some of the attention-grabbing individuals on the planet.
Both means, as an alternative of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up both:
ME…ME…ME…ME (and never solely do you look self-absorbed however you additionally bore different individuals to demise)
YOU…ME…ME…ME (and it turns into apparent that you simply’re not that fascinated by them)
ME…ME…ME…YOU (and the token show of curiosity on the finish comes off as patronizing)
Speaking Too Little
On the flip facet, Jayne has discovered that some individuals have a tendency to speak too little about themselves. For some it’s nervousness or uncertainty round what to say about themselves. For others it’s the issue of getting “air time” amongst extremely talkative individuals. Both means, as an alternative of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up principally YOU…YOU…YOU…YOU. Whereas others might stroll away from the dialog feeling energized, they keep in mind nothing about you or why a continued relationship could be useful (aside from that you simply’re listener).
Avoiding Conversational Ping Pong
For those who’re fortunate and also you’re interacting with somebody who additionally understands this technique, you’ll probably have a extra balanced, give-and-take dialog that energizes and satisfies each of you. However don’t assume that each one conversations ought to be both ME…YOU…ME…YOU or YOU…ME…YOU…ME. Conversations hardly ever stream in such a inflexible back-and-forth means, and in case you’re ready for the opposite particular person to reciprocate with a query each time you ask one, you’ll probably set your self up for frustration.
The right way to Make YOU…YOU…ME…YOU Work
Jayne gives these six tricks to make this a profitable technique:
- Attempt to ask 3-4 questions of the opposite particular person earlier than speaking about your self.
- Construct your subsequent query off what they’ve simply stated. This exhibits you’re paying consideration.
- Don’t overlook the non-verbals. Present you’re inquisitive about periodically establishing eye contact and leaning ahead.
- As you begin to discuss your self, use what you’ve discovered concerning the different particular person to selectively emphasize issues that you’ve got in widespread.
- Because the dialog naturally reaches its finish, ask yet another query to convey the main focus again to the opposite particular person. Search for alternatives to be useful, whether or not it’s offering data, recommendation, help, or simply momentary companionship.
- If it appears proper, recommend assembly once more to proceed the dialog, and trade contact data. Place your future assembly as a possibility for mutual profit.
All it Takes is Apply
In fact, YOU…YOU…ME…YOU isn’t a strict method. However reminding your self about it simply earlier than you meet somebody new might help you keep away from the traps of speaking an excessive amount of or too little, and make sure the different particular person walks away with not solely first impression however a willingness to work together with you down the street. And all of it begins with exhibiting curiosity in others. As Dale Carnegie as soon as stated “You can also make extra buddies in two months by turning into fascinated by different individuals than you may in two years by attempting to get different individuals fascinated by you!”
First Impressions Important Reads
Jayne has used YOU…YOU…ME…YOU with a lot of her teaching shoppers they usually’ve discovered it a easy option to scale back anxiousness, construct confidence, and enhance their willingness to place themselves on the market and construct the relationships they should discover success and happiness.